I am off to Paris on Thursday, due to an unfathomable stroke of luck and good fortune (and huge generosity) the like of which I don't normally believe in. I realised today in the second of my two French lessons in preparation for going to Paris that a) my French isn't awful and b) my life has been eaten up by people who think I'm no good at languages. How has this happened and how dare they suck the life out of me like this? I am being told by native speakers of French that my French is really good and yet I feel less than competent. I walk into that horror of a place next door and all I get is disdain and extra demands on my time for a close to criminal salary.
How ever have I let them steal my life like this? I am on my knees with exhaustion and I feel like I've lost my direction altogether. Why can I not find a viable way forward? The life I lead on a day-to-day basis is somehow full of exactly the kind of dread I felt at school, only this time there's no guaranteed end to it all. Unless I'm happy to become homeless, of course.
I wanted to get out to see things like this:
Or this:
Or views like this:
But it was raining today. And I had 'stuff to do' which required concentration. So it was a marvellous day for builders to arrive upstairs and start work on the flat above, scattering dust and making an almighty ,hluk' [noise] to beat the energy out of any otherwise calm and unsuspecting person. I was choking from the dust, in fact, so I'm not looking forward to their return tomorrow. But on Thursday I shall thwart them by abandoning this country altogether and going somewhere where I can actually converse with people in their native language to some degree of competence. I think. Peut-être.
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