It is a terrible thing to see someone you care about suffer. I saw a friend of mine today, who has been struggling in her relationship and it's been on and off anyway, but this time, she reported, "I think it's finally the last time. That's it now." I feel for her so much. It's horrible feeling alone and unappreciated. I know how she feels. And I wish I could do something to help.
She was one of the few who saw me in the worst possible state when I was in the final throes of the end of my relationship. I was amazed that she was still interested in meeting up on another occasion after that. I'd been such a wreck, but she had simply said, "it's normal", in response to my despair. How I felt frightened me, but it was as 'water off a duck's back' for her. She'd seen others go through the same. And you can guarantee, if she had said to me then, "you'll have found someone else within 3 months", I would never have believed her for a second. I wouldn't have dared even hope for a moment that it would be possible within a year, indeed a lifetime, let alone 3 months.
Why have I been so lucky? And is my downfall just around the corner, too? Maybe my certainty that I care so much about the architect is going to be the thing that hurts the most when he decides he's had enough, or he finds someone who fits his life better than I can. The potential for more turmoil and anguish is always there, waiting just ahead of me.
I listened to an old song again today that I listened to a lot in the summer months when I had first found out about ex-partner's plans to leave me. I wasn't having a particularly bad day or feeling especially low, but when I heard the line, "please be stronger than your past. The future may still give you a chance" ['Cowboys and Angels' - George Michael], I still burst into tears. I don't know if the future will really give me a chance, or merely confirm my greatest fears, but I do hope it will give my friend a chance. And a damned good one at that.
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