I seem to be incapable of formulating any thoughts without a list. I need a list of things to do to try to cram in, in between my annoyingly spread out number of meetings which start at 8am for a couple of hours or so, and then resume at 4pm till 7pm, which I'm finding particularly trying at the moment. But the heat isn't helping me push through my tiredness to do anything useful, let alone creative. So here are a few strategies I have come up with or am trying to convince myself of for surviving this tricky period of time:
1) Tidy up my flat. I did most of that at the weekend, just the mighty desk of papers to go now...I wish that were the easiest thing, but of course, it's the most time-consuming, impossible task ever. And yet I so want one of those beautiful coloured glass, enormous vases to put on it, to make it look like the grand, executive-type desk it should be. A decent, adjustable desk chair would also help, but that is obviously never going to happen...
2) Particularly in post-holiday slump, buy a bunch of things at the supermarket that I've never tried before, some of which are variations on things I have tried before, so that it cannot end up too disastrously. This helps with feeling like I'm 'on holiday' in this foreign country and not just slaving away, trying to make enough money to be able to afford to exist.
[*Note: 'Margot' chocolate bar. Who on earth decided to call the most sugary, kendal-mint cake-like chocolate bar the name 'Margot'? Seriously, Penelope Keith would be turning in her grave, if she had already died, which I suspect she hasn't. Is it coincidence though, that it reminds me of Kendal-mint cake, due to its sugar content (though it's not at all minty) when the character called Margot was in the same programme as the character 'Barbara', played by Felicity Kendal? Is there some kind of Anneka Rice's 'Treasure Hunt' clue in here somewhere? And surely it's interesting that the host of that very programme was called Kenneth Kendall. And how on earth did I get all this inspiration of pointless trivia from just one chocolate bar? I need help.]
3) Nip out to 'buy a paper' sometimes. This is a good way to remind myself, despite all my endless meetings conducted in English, that I am indeed in the Czech Republic and really need to learn some new vocab to be able to follow what's going on in the news in the rather excellently affordable main daily newspaper. So far, yesterday, I managed to buy the paper, but every time I sit down with about 3 minutes to spare to look up some words from an article, some meet-ee arrives early and that puts an end to that.
4) Go about life as if I am an entirely different person from the one who lived in London, because, quite frankly, it's too painful to do otherwise. I must forget I ever did music, that pursuing it not only bankrupted me but nearly killed me, because I loved the piano just too much and unfittingly so for someone from a working-class background. And as for the previous relationship...Don't even think about it. Imagine that it never existed. That that girl was someone else and you feel a bit sorry for her and all that, but she's not your problem.
Hmm...I think that last one is proving the hardest. Not least because all this catching up on ER episodes and contemplating a trip back to London is actually reminding me of some of the things I used to have. And the horrible break-up period I went through in England was relatively short, compared to the duration of the relationship. And then I spent the first 5 months here still in a sort of desperate state of existence before I reached even the very beginning of a recovery. I'm a little bit worried now that that was only 'recovery stage 1'. If I am to regain any hope, any real sense that I could be in a completely different life that is rewarding and hopeful one day, I've got a hell of a long way to go.
(Oops, and there you have an example of what happens when you're tired, hot and worn-out and thinking too much. Too much self-pitying...) The screamingly obvious answer to all this is: Get out more! Learn more Czech! Speak more Czech! And I will need another list in order to go about that, just because fitting in opportunities to practise and study more Czech requires some clever manipulating of my timetable, not to mention, of course, my finances. I'm doing my best here people, but somehow it just ain't enough, dammit! Potřebuji víc času!
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