I've been having a tough day of inner-battles today. But happiness is 'an inside job' so if I'm struggling, it's all up to me to fix it. I haven't been feeling very well all day but hate it when I don't foresee this and have to slow down, just when I was hoping to get a lot done. Sometimes I'm forced to obey my body rather than the other way around and I'm not very good at it. I'm so impatient!
I have had an opportunity to notice some of the things I'd been missing out on in the midst of all my 'battling' to get things done. One of which is just looking out of the window and watching what goes on around here. It's funny being an ex-pat. After a year or so your perception of a place changes and you find yourself becoming quite blasé about what's around you and almost bored with the surroundings you once found appealing. But this evening I stopped to watch the comings and goings of my street, which are noisy and eventful at times, due to it being a very busy road that takes you out to the motorway directly from the central train station.
It was mid-evening, that time when it's too late to try to continue without switching the lights on but there is still some light in the sky, and I watched people walking down the road. Some were in a hurry, some dawdling, one pregnant woman was trying to walk at the same pace as her two friends, then there were a group of tourists, one of whom took photos of the other two while they walked back to their hotel. I watched him take that picture and I expected to see a brief flash of movement, but I was too far away to see it anyway, and it made me think of my old camera that used film and how it used to make such a shunting, sliding, snapping sound as the shutter was released. It was reassuringly clunky, which made it seem like I'd done a good job just for taking a photo. Kind of like a minute sound of applause per shot.
Of course, it's obsolete now. Goodness knows where I'd have to go if I wanted a film developed these days. Though if it were to still be possible commercially, you'd think Prague would be a good place to find such an old-fashioned service. I have got used to some of that old-fashionedness about this city but I still appreciate enormously being able to afford to live somewhere busy. My disdain for residential areas seems only to be getting more ingrained in me. I love the noise of the cars when it's so constant. It almost sounds like tides coming and going.
On the other hand, the view across the road is hardly a beautiful sight. It's a run-down looking road with a hotel that seems to be well and truly shut down and some little dodgy looking corner shops and a block of flats. Some of the flats look more modern inside than others. One flat seems to have marble statues in it with their backs turned to me but surrounded by paper and cardboard, as though an artist used to work there but has since abandoned the place. One flat on the corner looks totally open-plan and modernised, whereas most of the others look shabby and cluttered.
Earlier on, one of the regular 'street watchers' in a flat opposite me came to the window to smoke a fag. He's always doing this with no top on and he's very overweight, so it's kind of off-putting to look outside when he's doing his neighbourhood watch thing. I sometimes wonder if he watches me pottering about in my kitchen, doing the washing up while the kettle boils. He probably thinks my quirky clothes are weird and off-putting just like I think his half-nakedness is unpleasant. Each to their own, I suppose.
It's nice to be able to enjoy standing and looking out of the window with a gentle breeze coming through instead of the guaranteed cold and rain that I would feel if I were in London. It's that continental summer experience. Leaving windows open all night because it's so warm, and it's only June. It gets pretty stifling in August. That's when you start praying it'll rain. But I do miss the palm trees of San Francisco and the fun of being able to get stupidly big ice creams and walk along a foggy beach. Prague is limited on food and drink choices. It's not a place that 'grew up with' a lot of choice. Prague-ers have only just started to consider the idea and still seem unsure as to whether 'choice' is worth the hassle.
I was only in San Francisco for four days but I miss it! And I miss California in general because it was so beautifully varied. And because I would love to see more of the coast. This land-locked country is beginning to get to me! I didn't think I was the 'beach girl' type, but when you get a glimpse of what a beach is supposed to be like (i.e. sandy, clean and warm) it wins you over. Or maybe I just like what is the polar opposite of what I'm most used to. In England, it was living in residential areas, miles away from the city centre, here, now that I have that proximity to vibrant city life, I miss the coast. I didn't appreciate the coast enough in England but then that's probably because the seaside resorts in England are primarily a) cold and b) super-tacky and full of amusement park things and 50s decor. Take away those two things and you've got yourself a nice beach experience.
I knew I shouldn't have watched that old 'On the beach' episode of ER....
