Fantasy wish list and poverty monsters

I know it's terrible to just 'want' things.  Things you can survive without, but if you go without all of them all of the time, it's a bloody miserable existence.  Perhaps I should see this kind of need, the result of bankrupting myself due to music for so many long, pointless years, as some kind of entity.  Maybe if I call that entity 'Malcolm' or something 'totally made up by a 5 year-old'-sounding, such as 'muftystuffenslop' or 'megahoopylops' or 'stoneybrokasaurus', I could feel better about it.  I could just see it as a mass of horrible monster-ness that has no real power.

So here we go; in a bid to cast a spell over 'Malcolm' or 'Stoneybrokasaurus', I shall write my most tantalising, silly but nice and/or urgently needed wish list thoughts and hope that somehow at least one of them might simply appear in my life one day: 

1) A pair of jeans that actually fit well and look good on me.  (May as well put the most impossible thing first, eh?!)

2) A simple, red summer dress.  Something like a 50s shift dress made of cotton.

3) An electric guitar.  (I'm too furious with the world to play a keyboard and I can't have the Yamaha U2 I used to have, let alone the Yamaha C3 I'd love to have, let alone the Bösendorfer any-size-at-all I'd KILL to have, which would be preferable, but actually louder, causing me to be evicted forthwith.)

4) Some citrus-smelling shower gel (because small things make a difference too)

5) A tub of chocolate ice-cream (hell, even a magnum would do)

6) A flight to New York and a flat I could do a swap with for a few weeks

7) A new pair of black canvas ballet shoes (because the ones I do aerobics in are falling apart)

8) A good camera (or even just a good camera phone)

9) An external hard drive to back-up work to (boring, but could avert a major crisis one day)

10) A copy of the latest series of House on DVD (or in the meantime, the last series of ER that I never got to see before I left Blighty)*

I did almost put 'a three hour booking in a piano practice room' but I know that this would only break my heart, as I would wonder when I would EVER get to play a real piano again and I might have to kill myself there and then for having had to sell mine to try out a life that stood a chance of not finishing me off for good.

*(Note to FaerieGodmotherTrainee: this is NOT your job to fulfill, ok?!  I just needed to write a wish list.  I know you know how important little fantasy wish lists are.)

P.S. Does writing two posts in one day partially make-up for such a long absence and lack of regular posting lately?  Maybe just a little bit?

New Yorku, Miluji Tě

I got so desperate today, that I found myself not only listening to Limp Bizkit and making rash decisions, but I also ended up drawing a rough map of New York and told a couple of meet-ees about where things were.  Mostly the airports.  Which is kind of stupid.  But it made me feel closer to it somehow, as though it isn't unimaginable that I could go back there one day.  It's rather sad that I've been fantasising about the place so much lately.  I think it's just the spring weather that brings it on and makes me think of what a good time of year it is to go there.

I also miss the idea of that kind of creative holiday of wandering around museums and the park and buying coffees (or iced coffees in warm spring weather) and reading newspapers and magazines, and above all, indulging in some people-watching.  I would kill for that right now.

Instead, I shall have to face the demands of the strait-jacketers around me and keep my fantasies to myself.

But just for old time's sake, here are a few fond corners of New York I wouldn't have wanted to miss, not least for the daily diary-writing at the cafe, which culminated in a typical New Yorker, "Good luck with the writing" comment from a random fellow coffee-drinker:

Where else would you get blue sky in EVERY picture?  I even miss travelling on the  rather 'ghetto' JMZ train.  The view as it ambled across to Manhattan from Williamsburg was truly a delight in itself.  I just hope they haven't done a 'Northern Line' kind of re-vamp on it or something awful like that.  I don't think New York can take any more 'disney-fying', quite honestly.  It's just not her style.