Caterpillar blues

I'm having one of those, "I can't get anything useful done today because I feel so bloody miserable" kinds of days and I'm amazed I even submitted some information for a job this morning.  I actually submitted a bid for advertised work involving something I don't want to do at all but could probably do with my eyes closed just because I'm getting that desperate for money.  (Don't worry - we're not talking prostitution or anything, though I imagine someone could do that with their eyes closed...)  I ought to be portrayed in some kind of sci-fi horror film where you slowly watch the character degenerate into something that's not quite human anymore.  Like, "The Fly" but without the transporter machine.  Or the fly.  But maybe a peppy Geena Davis character, at least, as the narrator in my head.

Except this experience is entirely human.  That's what's so sad and pathetic about it.  I am trying to bargain with myself that if I just do my aerobics this evening and call it a day and spend the evening doing nice things that I really enjoy then I can get back to feeling better, have a guilt-free conscience and start afresh tomorrow.  I also got to the point of feeling so low and so isolated today that I had to bring forward my little less-important plan of making a 'Love Folder' and printing out nice encouraging emails from people and putting them in there.

I got the idea from Marie Forleo's team when I wrote them an email with lots of love and gratitude in it myself last week and was told that I had reached the honour of being added to her 'love folder'.  I guess all of us could do with one.  Especially when you're giving out lots of love but somehow not getting the same in return.  Like saying lots of loving, supportive things to someone in a text and then getting a reply of, "thank you very much" and that's it.  And all you feel is just pure disappointment at the emptiness of the lack of reciprocation.  I guess a lot of people are in relationships like this.  I just never thought I'd be someone who would tolerate it.  Anyone out there want to help fill up my 'love folder' by way of commiseration? 

I need to stop feeling so low and remind myself of the fun things I got to do lately.  Namely, lounging in the shade on a hot day on a lovely balcony with a view of the hills of Šumava with a mini, Cleopatra-style bowl of grapes and apple slices:

and pedalling around the island known as 'shooting island' [Střelecký Ostrov] on one of those pedalo boats

followed by a congratulatory new Infinity magnum afterwards which was almost equally as good an experience.  (No photo of the magnum, as I was too busy eating it!)

And I got the cutest ever picture of the cowboy later as he sat with a contemplative look while waiting for food at a brewery/restaurant combined place (his idea of heaven) in Prague 2.  But I can't show you that either, because that wouldn't be fair on him.  You'll just have to take my word for it that he looked super-sweet!

So I'd better get myself up and into my aerobics gear and see if I can revitalise this tired little semi-caterpillar like entity and persuade it to do something energetic now.  I wish I were back in California.  I miss the palm trees.  And the beaches are a good incentive to get into shape.   I feel so landlocked in this country!